The Host Sunlight Passing Through the Ice
by Maira Z. Pereira
Summary: The Soul called Sunlight Passing Through the Ice is abducted by a human. What should be the scariest episode of her existence, eventually leads her to discoveries and sacrifices that will give a new direction to her story.
1. Chapter 1 Abducted

**Hi, readers! This is my next Host story. I hope you like it. Once again, I apologize in advance for any translation mistakes. This story was originally written in Portuguese and published here and in two Brazilian sites. Well, enough said, let's start.**

Living in a cold planet can be unpleasant.

It's not that I haven't had a good life there, but I admit that when the cold is so cold that ice seems to be a part of you, every ray of sunlight is more than welcome. When I was sent to this planet, what attracted me most was the warmth. The heat from the warm water bathing my body. The warmth of a good blanket on a winter night. The hot feeling produced by the touch of another skin. The heat of the sun.

- Sunny is beautiful - I said in response to how he called me, since my real name seemed to be some kind of enigma to him - I like the sun.

- Where does this strange name come from, anyway? - asked the human without taking his eyes off the road - What is it again? Sun...

- Sunlight Passing Through the Ice – I reminded him - Comes from the planet in which I lived before that.

- I heard it's beautiful there, in this planet of bears. They are sculptors, right?

The question took me by surprise. How could he know these things?

- How do you know? Where have you heard that?

He did not answer, or even looked at me, but I saw his eyes narrowing and his jaw become tense. It was like our conversation had taken a course it shouldn't. I wanted to continue it, however, wanted to keep on listening to his voice, coming from the back of the throat, like from the depths of a cave where no one sees the light. I've heard it many times, that voice, in my human heart, in my dreams. It awoke memories of my body and I regretted that he never took his eyes off the road to look at me, that he kept his hands stuck in the wheel. It was as if he needed something to hold on to so he could stand firm. As if he could disappear if not grabbing that wheel almost to the point of crossing it.

He was still beautiful, just the way I saw him in my dreams. Though now his expression was so hard. I remembered my old planet, how it was beautiful, but wild, threatening, dangerous. I thought about how this fragile human body would suffer there, languishing in the magnificent carved ice. I thought about the glacial eyes this beautiful human beside me had looked at me. Two stones of ice spiked in the face that warmed my dreams.

- The ice is beautiful - I said, finally - but it can hurt.

He then turned to me, just for a moment, looking at me with a frown and very confused eyes, as if I'd just said something indecipherable to many, but strangely clever for him. A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth before he turned back to the road.

I was enjoying observing his gestures. So much looked the same as in my thoughts. Memories weren't exactly what I had, it was my body that remembered the smell and texture of his skin, how my body fit his ample torso making me look even more tiny. I once had a dream in which our friends made fun of how being next to him he made me look like a child, even wearing heels. I had many dreams every night. Experienced Souls explained to me that he was the companion of this body I inhabit. That when he was found, he would come for me, for surely he'd miss me too. I waited for years, but he never arrived.

Earlier that night, when he walked through the door of my room, with that familiarity that seemed so peculiar, I was half asleep. I thought I was once having a dream. It took me a while to realize that I was really feeling his arms around me, I was really feeling his scent. I let myself get dragged through as if it was the sea, totally unresponsive. So he put me in the car and held the seatbelt around my body, I could see he was still human, but that he had come to pick me up. I knew I should be afraid, more than that, terrified, but I could only feel ... happy.

He seemed undecided about what to do, he looked scared. I did not believe it could be because of me, then I realized he should not be there. That was what he was afraid of, that someone would see him there. I also was afraid, for him and me, I could not conceive that the charm of the moment could be broken by someone getting him out. I wasn't willing to stay even a second away from him again. He started the jeep and I felt relieved, knowing that now I would have time to think.

I didn't know what to say, so I was silent, watching him and trying to make sure it really wasn't a dream. When I finally got myself together and managed to channel fear, anticipation, surprise and passion in a voice loud enough to be heard, I said:

- You are Kyle.

It was the dumbest thing I could say since all my senses were screaming this for hours, but it was just what I got. And I was glad he knew now that I had recognized him. He looked at me carefully, assessing me, studying my movements, and said:

- Yes, and who are you?

- Sunlight Passing Through the Ice.

He snorted, as if expecting a different answer, and asked with a crooked mouth in an expression almost offensive, insolent:

- How is that again?

- Sunlight...

- Sunny is ok. – Kyle interrupted me impatiently.

I thought a little bit about the name just not to have to think about Kyle's roughness, so different from what I had expected.

A few minutes later, here I was looking at his face: the square jaw, the prominent forehead, those hard and intense blue eyes, the nose slightly crooked, as if it had been broken and never properly put in place and that mouth, always tight in a tense line.

- You look a little different from what I remember.

- And... – he looked at me curious before he continued – what exactly do you remember?

- I always dream about you. In my dreams, your eyes are playful, provocative. And you're always laughing.

Again he looked at me, a sad expression, the ice in his eyes melting just a bit:

- A lot has happened in the time that separates me from this man of your dreams.

It was something very sad to hear, but I wanted to know more. What was he doing here? Why hadn't his body been taken and occupied by a Soul that would come peacefully to meet me? Would I feel the same way if Kyle was no longer Kyle?

- What has happened? Over the years, I mean? - I asked, making sure that I cover with my question all the time that separated us.

He seemed to suffer, struggling with an answer, and it caused me pain. Little did I know what was coming next:

- I could not save Jodi. When I realized something was wrong it was too late for her. You, your kind, HAVE STOLEN HER FROM ME!

I was petrified by this outburst. Jodi who? Why was he so red, a vein hopped on his forehead, eyes full of tears?

- I. .. I ... didn't want to take anything away ... from you. I would never make you suffer.

It took him a few seconds to compose himself. At this point, I could measure his stress level by how deep he stepped on the accelerator, and now the jeep was going a little slower. He kept looking ahead, but shook his head, stirring it frantically from side to side, as if he could not believe what he had just said. One of his big hands were deployed from steering wheel and he passed it away carelessly under his red nose:

- I know you wouldn't. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?

- I was afraid...

- I will not hurt you! - he hastened to say.

- I was afraid you were mad at me.

- No! Look, I'm sorry. You know, your race, I do not hate them anymore. Not so much anyway. I know now that you guys are very afraid of us. - he stared at me for the longest time he could while driving - I don't want _you_ to be afraid of me.

I wasn't. He seemed unstable, volatile as they'd told me humans could be. But I could not help it when he looked me in the eyes, I just trusted him. This uneasiness that swept over me when he got nervous was becoming clear to me now that I knew I couldn't be afraid of him. What I wanted was for him to like me. I wish I could do something to let him happy, to bring back the smile of my dreams. I realized that every minute that passed it became more important to me that he would be fine.

- I would do what I could… you know… to make you happy.

He looked at me surprised, a ray of light through the ice that melted in his eyes:

- You really would, wouldn't you? - he shook his head again - You guys can really be something extra! At least some of you, I imagine.

- You know many of us?

- No. Not really. It's just Wanda.

- Who is Wanda?

- Well, Wanda is... Oh, Wanda is just like you. At first we were afraid of her. - he laughed for the first time and I lit up along with him - Look, you can't tell anyone I told you I was scared to death of her, okay? But it's true. I thought I hated her, but now I know better... Anyway, I don't feel like that anymore. Wanda did extraordinary things for us. For me, too. But you can't tell her I said that, okay?

- Why?

- Well ... I dunno! I just do not want her to know I like her, I do not want anyone to think I became soft hearted.

Something opened up inside my chest leaving no room for anything else. I had never felt this and I didn't know what it was. It hurt.

- Do you like her?

He looked at me as though he would say "wasn't that what I'd just talking said?" But when he saw my face he really understood what I'd asked.

- Oh, no, no! Not like this. Ian would smash my face if so.

I freaked out with the mental picture:

- But who is this Ian? And why would he do something so terrible?

More laughter. The ice almost all melted now.

- Easy! It is only say so. It seems to him that he could, but I pity him if he tries! - he said, still laughing - Ian is my brother and he gets all nervy with everybody because he thinks Wanda is his little girlfriend.

I perked up, without realizing very well the size of my ambition, when he said that his brother, possibly a human like him, was in love with someone like me.

- Is Ian human? Is he just like you?

- You bet he is! My brother is no centipede! - he responded with a clear disgust.

That hurt me more than I expected.

- Sorry, Sunny. That's not what I meant. I do not think you and Wanda are centipedes.

- What do you think of us then?

- Wanda ... I do not know, but I think I can say she is almost a friend. She takes care of us. You... I dunno!

He looked at me intensely now, seeing something beyond me, it seemed, his gestures returning to the seriousness of the beginning:

- You are beautiful!

I felt like I was made of butter and it was very, very hot outside, but then I remembered that he had called me, called my kind, centipedes. And I realized that it wasn't me who he thought was beautiful.

It hurt a lot again. It felt like someone was trying to open an umbrella inside my chest. The mental picture is not pretty, but I felt it wasn't too.

- You're a good girl, Sunny. And I will not let anything bad happen to you.

I believed it, but I was still uneasy. I felt he was once again closing his heart to me. So I didn't want to disrupt his thoughts with more questions. I wasn't sure I was ready to hear the answers. I also didn't know what else to say. I was confused and hurt too much to try a pointless conversation. I contented myself with watching Kyle. Sitting sideways on the bench as I was, I cringed and lay my head. The morning was approaching and I felt suddenly exhausted, as if all the energy had been sucked out of me. My eyes almost closing still saw Kyle loosen up a bit my seatbelt, I became more comfortable and almost kissed his hand that was close to my neck. I realized in time I shouldn't. I felt my mind slowly sink into unconsciousness and soon it became dark again.


	2. Chapter 2 Arrival

**Hello, readers. I'm very happy because I can see through my stats that you guys are from different parts of the world. It would very nice if I know something, anything about you. So I have a proposal for you. Fear not, I will not ask anyone to marry me. But how about we try something different? What if you give me feedback and write me a comment, just for a change? It won't hurt, I bet.**

I woke up when the jeep stopped and I knew something was wrong even before opening my eyes. I was sure I haven't slept so much, it should be day now, the sun beating down, but it seemed dark through my eyelids.

- Sunny. - Kyle called softly.

I was reassured knowing that he was still there. It haven't been a dream. He was with me and he wasn't gone. It wasn't nice to wake up, though. I remembered that I was not happy when I fell asleep. And something in me knew I wouldn't be happy when I finally understand what would really happen to me now. I opened my eyes anyway, you can not run forever. Walls. Strange. Kyle's face was close to mine and he took my hand as he spoke:

- I'll take you to my house. But there is something you need to know before we get there.

Relief. Joy. Concern. Kyle's face left no room for the first two, however. Soon, the only thing remaining was concern. I nodded slowly, waiting for him to continue.

- There are many other humans there. They won't hurt you. I will not allow. Neither will Wanda. Because of her they won't hurt you. But maybe some will try. I want you to be calm and know it won't happen. They will be afraid of you, as we were of Wanda at first. And you'll think they're angry, but they're angry with me, not with you. You'll have to be brave at first, but soon it'll be fine, okay?

How could I answer to that? Did I want to go with him wherever he went? Yes. Did I feel I had the strength to withstand a furious whirlwind of humans trying to hurt us? Definitely not. What he asked next, however, facilitated an immediate response:

- You wanna come with me?

I nodded affirmatively.

- So, I'm sorry, but you'll have to use this, okay? - he said while holding out a piece of cloth before my eyes.

- Okay. - I said, my voice almost choked with fear. But I could not avoid trusting on Kyle.

He put the cloth over my eyes tying it behind my neck. Then passed one of his arms around my waist and guided me in the dark for a few minutes. Slowly then, he uncovered my eyes and I found myself in a strange place, a cave it seemed. DoBut I didn't have time to watch much, because suddenly a big threatening man came up out of nowhere. Kyle stood in front of me and said:

- Easy, Howe! It's okay. I'm still human.

The man looked him in the eyes, but still looked furious. The boy who stood beside him grabbed his arm and whispered:

- Look! She's scared, Jared. Take it easy!

The man, Jared, slightly turned his eyes to me and sighed with disgust. But once again he glared at Kyle.

Another man came running to us, looming for one of the entries. He stopped beside Jared with a mixture of relief and anger on his face. Ian, I assumed, because he was a downsized version of Kyle. A little younger, a little smaller, though very large too. The sweetest eyes, though so furious as those of Jared.

- What the hell were you thinking, Kyle? By putting us all at risk like that? We're all ready to go.

- I had to try, Ian. If all goes well, we can go back for our father too.

- It´s not like this, Kyle. Melanie and Lacey are exceptions. It's been so long.

- Jodi is here. I know.

Ian folded his arms as if to prevent his frustration came out in a rush of violence, but kept a tough tense stance.

Someone shouted that Kyle had returned and gradually a crowd was gathering together around us. The atmosphere of hostility grew uncontrollably. Everyone was talking at once, but all the lines seemed insults directed at us. I was very scared because although Kyle was visibly bigger and stronger than everyone there, he was just one man. He wouldn't be able to restrain the others by himself. He seemed as helpless as I was there, until I realized his shoulders relaxed just a bit.

- Wanda? - he said relieved - Finally you have arrived! Can you give me a little help here, please?


	3. Chapter 3 New Friend

**Hi, readers! Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Upon hearing the familiar name, I tried fto peek thought Kyle's arms. I wasn't able to see through the crowd, but I could see a man even more threatening than all, indecipherable eyes and gun in hand, making way through the mob. Behind him, the friend who I immediately recognized as my equal. She passed between Jared and Ian and lightly touched both their arms, soothing them like two angry dogs. I feared for her, but they were receptive, even seemed to like it.

The man with the gun made a threat to Kyle, which freaked me out. But, for what was a surprise to me, stood before Kyle and me like he was guarding us. Kyle did not seem surprised, however, neither by the threat nor by the sudden protection. I felt his body relax a little more. The man ordered everyone away, giving them an earful as they were scaring me. I could not melt me with his gesture, however, as he was holding that gun. Most humans obeyed, even looking hesitant. Only a few remained there. Ian grabbed one of my friend's hands. The boy grabbed the other. Jared stood protectively behind her, and also seemed to touch her in any way. They were a strange unity those four. They looked so comfortable, the three men anchored on her and she connected to them all. It was like a family.

- Thanks, Jeb – said Kyle.

- Shut the hell up, Kyle. Just keep your fat mouthshut. I'm dead serious about shooting you, you worthless maggot.

Fear gripped me and I mumbled incoherently.

- Okay, Jeb. – Kyle said without looking really sacared - But could you save the death threats till we're alone? She's terrified enough. You remember how that kind of stuff freaks Wanda out. See, Sunny? This is Wanda, the one I told you about. She'll help us, she won't let anyone hurt you, just like me.

He turned slightly and once again passed his arm around my waist, bringing me forward. I tried to resist, but he was so strong that he didn't even realize my resistance. Sensing my fear, my friend said:

- Kyle's right. I won't let anyone hurt you. Your name is Sunny?

Ian looked at her then, his eyes filled with pride and admiration. She didn't look back, because she was busy watching me, trying to ensure me that everything would be okay. That seemed to have an even more powerful effect on him. Kyle had told me Ian liked her, but it was more than that. At that moment,I knew: he loved her.

I didn't know much about love. The Souls who held the bodies of my host parents worshiped each other's company. They were accustomed to the presence of each other, because it was very natural for them. As well as it was natural for me to run to them when I arrived on this planet. But there was nothing natural about the way Ian looked at Peg. Something inside him burned. He was in love with her. It was the way I thought my eyes were when I looked at Kyle. It was the way Kyle looked at me when he told me I was beautiful.

Then I knew. I was in love with Kyle, but he was in love with someone he saw beyond me.


	4. Chapter 4 And now, where to?

The following moments passed in a blur before me. We talked about my name and my old planet. And I found, to my surprise and admiration, that was before a celebrity among us: Lives in the Stars, Rides the Beast. If they knew about it, they knew what we could do. Did that mean ... No, it was not possible.

- You lived in the second crystal city, I guess. – she said

- Yes. I heard the story so many times...

- Did you like being a Bear, Sunny? Were you happy there?

_Oh, no!_

Tears rolled down my face as I looked at Kyle and I finally understood what he wanted.

- I'm sorry - she apologized, confirming my suspicions.

He touched my arm and apologized too, in its own way:

- Don't be afraid. You won't be hurt. I promised.

The pain hit me fully, as a strong push that can get you down to the ground a meters away from where you are. As being hit by a car.

_No one will hurt me, right?_

- But I like it here. I want to stay.

- I know, Sunny. I know.

My pathetic attempt to convince them only made my friend feel even more sorry for me and that Kyle brought my face close to his chest, to comfort me. I think I would need more than that.

The man with the gun, Jeb, proposed that we might see a guy named Doc. I was glad to have the time to organize my ideas, but when they drove the boy away, as if something were to happen that he couldn't see, I held on to Kyle even more, as if I could literally hold me in this world.

- Kyle?

- Yes?

- I don't want to go back to the Bears.

- You don't have to. You can go somewhere else.

- But I can't stay here?

- No. I'm sorry, Sunny.

The darkness of the aisle that we crossed was nothing compared to the darkness that has befallen me.


	5. Chapter 5 Nothing is easy to understand

As we entered the place where the Doc guy was, we spotted him immediately. He was talking to a woman who seemed nervous and confused to be there. I could hardly look at her, however, even less to become aware about the reason for her nervousness. By scanning the room with my eyes, I was faced with two cryotanks. In their caps, red lights flashed indicating that there were Souls in there. Seven empty cryotanks laid carelessly stacked on the ground nearby. It was no longer possible to entertain any doubt about what would follow. I felt myself crumble as if all my bones had turned into flour. Now I understood what they meant when they said I was safe, that nothing bad would happen to me. Yes, I would remain alive, but I'd never see Kyle again.

- I don't want to go! I want to stay with you – I begged Kyle as tears ran down my face in torrents.

- I know, Sunny. I'm sorry.

But what did he want, after all? I thought he had gone to pick me up to live with him. I knew he wasn't in love with me, that it was my body what he wanted. But how would this body survive without me? What would be left? Kyle hugged me stronger, trying to stifle my sobs with his chest, but that only made me cry more.

- I need to talk to her for a minute, Kyle – said Wanda.

- No, no - I begged Kyle not to leave me. What if I never could get back into

his arms? What if he left the minute he could pass the "problem" to someone more qualified to deal with it?

-It's okay. He's not going anywhere. I just want to ask you a few questions - she assured me, sensing my fear.

Kyle turned me to face her, even though I still resist, and I held on to her then. She understood what was being linked to a human, I was sure. I could convince her to help me, not to let me go.

While consoling me, she asked Kyle what happened, how he had found me. He told her how I recognized him and offered no resistance, how I was not afraid of him and we talked how quickly we connect. He put his hand on my face and told her in a tone of appeal:

- She's a good kid, Wanda. Can't we send her someplace really nice?

- That's what I wanted to ask her about. Where have you lived, Sunny?

- Just here and with the Bears. I was there five life terms. – _And that's enough_ - But I like it better here _– Kyle lives here_ - I haven't had even a quarter of a life term here! – _I couldn't be with him._

She made me other offers and I had reasons to refuse them all. The real reason, the most important, however, was one: Kyle. When I could get to any of these other lives, even the most beautiful of them, where they both decided to send me, Kyle would be dead for many, many years. The simple idea to move forward in a world where he didn't exist and even the memory of him would be too old to be significant revolted my stomach, my mind, my heart.

- Don't worry, Sunny. You'll like the Dolphins. They'll be nice. Of course they'll be nice - she said as if assuring herself more than me – Sunny, I need to ask you about Jodi.

Again with this girl, the one he said I stole. My host? The one he loved?

- What about her? - I muttered grudgingly

- Is she... is she in there with you? Can you hear her?

I looked at her confused. What did she mean? Did they think Jodi was still here somehow? That there was a chance I wouldn't be me?

- I don't understand what you mean.

- Does she ever talk to you? Are you ever aware of her thoughts?

A strange inside me? It seemed too scary to even imagine. Preposterous.

- My... body's? Her thoughts? She doesn't have any. I'm here now.

This was my body. And it had been since I got here. Or wasn't it? After all, there was a reason I dreamed with Kyle every night. The mere possibility chilled me to the bone.

They argued about how long it had been since I was here, if the past years in this body had been enough to erase Jodi. I did not care. I just wanted to stay here and have a chance to be loved as Wanda was. Why could she stay here? How could she betray a sister Soul this way?

- It's not fair! Why do you get to stay? Why can't I stay, if you can?

- That wouldn't be fair, would it? But I don't get to stay, Sunny. I have to go, too.

And soon. Maybe we'll leave together.

The possibility reassured me, but only a little.

- I have to go, Sunny, just like you. – she continued - I have to give my body back, too.

Ian's blue eyes sparkled in the air in our direction and his whole body hardened.

- What? - he asked with a hurt voice as if now he was the one who got hit by a racing car. Not long ago I realized he was around, that he was slightly aware of what was happening, but when he heard what had been said, he turned toward her and his face completely morphed. The passionate and tender look in his eyes was gone and had given rise to a fury that I had only glimpsed before in the stories told about the past of humans. Those tales designed to make us fear them, to warn us to stay away from them.

He looked like a monster to me and I just wanted him to go away and leave us alone. Instead, he reached for her, wanting to pull her out. When she didn't respond to the gesture, he grabbed her arm, trying to drag her away. I tried to protect Wanda, holding on to her, but he shook her until I could no longer keep her close to us.

Kyle objected, not understanding the magnitude of his brother's violence, like he couldn't understand the extent of Ian's feeling for Wanda, but Ian bent his knee and dropped it on Kyle's face, who was sitting on the floor beside me. Before I even get shocked I posted myself between them, but Kyle, caught by the blow in the middle of the process of getting up, got even more unbalanced with the weight of my body and together we fell to the ground.

Jared tried to stop Ian, I heard an argument and the noise of another blow. The others remained impassive, too surprised to react. Jared returned to where we were, determined to do something and he automatically reached for the gun that Jeb was still holding, but something in the attitude of the other man made him immediately retreat.

- Nay, lad, leave them alone.

Jared sighed and containing all his anger and anxiety, he said clearly and slowly:

- Jeb, do you know why he's like this? What he discovered Wanda is planning to do?

- Why, Jared, what do you think I am? An idiot? You were not the only one paying attention.

- So you know we cannot leave them alone. He is too angry now.

- Easy there, Jared. Ian wouldn't hurt Wanda.

- Think about it, Jeb. He'll never forgive her.

- Oh, Jared, do I have to explain everything to you? Ian knows Wanda better than any of us. He understands and respects her. Of course he will forgive her! Eventually. That doesn't mean he won't flounce a lot and do everything to change her mind.

- That's what I'm afraid of! How far he would get ...

- Come on! He needed to know. It wasn't right she trying to do things behind our backs. While she is busy with him we can think of a way to keep our two girls.

- And what way would that be?

- That I have not thought. One can not be brilliant and insightful at the same time with so much going on!

Jeb laughed at his own remark, but Jared, who looked defeated, kept on staring at him seriously and a little hesitant.

- Let it be, son. We'll find a way to fix it - Jeb said when he realized Jared's concern wouldn't give in - I still don't know how we'll make things right, but I do know that, one way or another, the decision belongs only to Wanda.

- It's Melanie's body - Jared said uncompromisingly.

- Not at the moment. It's Wanda's life at stake too. That decision doesn't even belong to Mel, let alone to you. Nor it's your concern the discussion that has to happen between the Ian and Wanda. I'm warning you, Jared, stay away from them.

Doc, who had knelt beside us as soon he realized Kyle's face was bleeding, followed the discussion in silence while cleaning the wound. However, his face seemingly calm and focused betrayed a visible unease. When all the violence happened, he seemed terribly disturbed. You could see that his nature was almost as sensitive as that of our species, but when everything calmed down he continued to look unrest. When he saw me watching him, he made an effort to change the focus of everybody's thoughts. He passed one of his arms around Kyle trying to help him get up, but the weight was too much for him, who exclaimed:

- A little help here, please!

Jeb immediately came to us and passed his arm under Kyle's, like Doc was doing, trying to help him up. I made an effort to stick to Kyle, I didn't want him anywhere near the gun or away from me, but Jeb reassured me:

- Look, honey, our doctor here needs to heal your friend. You need to release him now, okay?

I nodded nervously, but cringed against the wall.

- Good girl - said Jeb - Hey, Doc, take a look at Jared's face too. Ian nailed it!

- No way! I'm OK - grunted Jared - See Kyle first.

- Yeah, right. So you do the girl some company, ok? - ordered Jeb, while helping Kyle to accommodate himself on a cot.

Jared turned to me and offered me his hand but I didn't extend mine to hold it. Instead, I simply stared. I wasn't prepared for that, for the touch of a strange and scary human. I wasn't prepared to take any other place outside Kyle's arms, besides this corner of the wall. Then he lowered his hand and collapsed beside me, leaning against the wall too and stretching his legs before him.

- Bad day too, right? I know _mine_ is.

I was silent for a moment, but I was also curious and worried:

- Do you think Jeb is right? Think she'll be okay? - I asked.

- It's hard to admit, but damned old Stryder's always right. She'll be fine, yes.

- Why does she want to leave? She is loved here.

- Yes, she is. But there is another person inside her. The woman I love is in there. Wanda wants to free her.

- How so?

- The body Wanda occupies belongs to my Melanie and she is alive inside it. Don't you hear Jodi within you? Doesn't she talk to you?

- No, I hear nothing. There's nobody here. How do you know Melanie is there?

- Wanda feelsn her, the two talk to each other all the time.

- Must be scary!

- Isn't it? - Jared said - That's why we cannot let this happen forever. Mel must be released. Unfortunately the only way is Wanda leaving.

- But why would she do that? Why give up one's own life, the love she has here?

- Because Wanda loves Mel.

- Bizarre.

He caught me staring at Kyle when I said that.

- Yeah, love is weird. You say that because you love him, right?

- Yes, I had never seen him, but my body remembers him, I dream about him every night. I don't want to leave him. I don't understand how this can be so.

- That's because Jodi must have loved him too much. It's _her_ body that remembers him. How can you be sure she is not in there?

I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say. I was no longer sure of anything. If Melanie was alive, Jodi could be too.

- Couldn't you love her? I mean, you think someday you could love Wanda so she wouldn't have to go?

I think Jared understood what I was really asking, because his gaze went to Kyle and came back to me:

- If you thought Kyle was alive inside a prison, wouldn't you do anything to free him and get him back?

The clarity of that feeling went straight through me and left no room for another answer. I could not be ready to admit it, but at that moment I realized that, like Wanda, I would do what Kyle needed.

- I love Wanda too - Jared continued when he realized my sorrow - She's my friend and I would do anything for her to stay here. Anything, except giving up Mel. Do you understand? - he said, looking back to Kyle.

- Yes, I understand – I whispered - But Ian loves Wanda.

_Why can't Kyle love me too?_

- And I still love Melanie.

_And Kyle still loves Jodi._

- What about Wanda, how she feels? That doesn't matter?

_What about how I feel, doesn't it matter?_

- It does matter, yes. And a lot - he said, while making a clear effort to better prepare his response - I think she loves Ian too. And part of her also loves me. It must be hard for her. Nothing here is very easy to understand, isn't that right?

I nodded and he continued:

- The worst thing is that she can't live any of those loves. She can't love me because I belong to Melanie. She can't love Ian, because the body also belongs to Melanie. And to me, somehow. The only love she _can_ live, even if it requires her the ultimate sacrifice is the love she has for Mel.

I thought about it. She would give Melanie a gift, return her to her life. She would set Ian free from a love he could not have. Although I was sure he wouldn't understand it that way, this was what she was trying to do. And she would give Jared the chance to be happy with the woman he loved, because he couldn't love her when her life meant a prison for Melanie.

- You are wrong, Jared. Actually it's very easy to understand.

How was it possible it only made things much more difficult?


	6. Chapter 6 Permission

**Hi, readers. I must warn you that in this chapter, I took some liberty. In the book, when Ian calls for the tribunal, Sunny was already gone. But I really think she and Kyle must have this conversation. Hope you agree with me.**

We were alone in the hospital, Kyle and me. Ian had called Jared, Jeb and Doc for a conversation, and the woman who was here before had been taken to another place. We were lying embraced on two cots put together.

- You'll be fine, Sunny - he repeated for what it seemed perhaps the tenth time, almost as if trying to convince himself that he was telling the truth.

- And is this important?

- But of course it is, Sunny! - Kyle said as he sat with fuss, lifting me up with him - no doubt at all that you matter to me!

- I love you, Kyle.

- Oh, Sunny - he said hugging me so tight that I almost choked against his chest - I'm so sorry to be doing this to you.

- Could you ... love me too? One day?

- In other circumstances ... I mean ... You are absolutely adorable. Now I can understand what Ian saw thin Wanda from the start. You're beautiful, Sunny. And I'm talking about who you really are. But Jodi ... I can not give her up. Jodi is in a prison and the biggest joke of fate is that the prison is you. It seems like someone is trying to screw me big time.

- If you were in a prison I would do anything to free you.

Kyle held my chin with one hand and gently pulled me closer to him:

- I don't want to make things harder than they already are, but I gotta do this.

Then he kissed me. Not Jodi, but me, the sunlight dancing sneaky behind the ice that's been formed in his heart.

- You know there's a chance that she is not here, don't you? I never heard her voice, never felt her presence except for the love I have for you.

- I have to try, Sunny. Even so I must try. I can't live with the possibility of not having done all I could.

He would never be happy as he thought he had to save her. He would never give his heart to anyone until he was convinced that she was no longer here. I didn't want this, I didn't want his heart to stay closed forever. I wanted him to be happy, even if it was with someone else. Moreover, it could even be that Jodi was still here. I was not exactly the president of her fan club, but seeing what Wanderer was going to do for Melanie, I think I owe Jodi. If one of us had a chance to make Kyle happy, that was her.

- So I'll give it to you, Kyle.

He hugged me even stronger. It would hurt if I wasn't already in pieces.

- I promise you, Sunny, you will never be forgotten. I promise I'll think of you every day of my life and that I'll make Jodi love you. I will never let her forget you are responsible for our happiness. Wanda said you hardly remember me in your next life, you will have gone for such a long time and you have a new consciousness. I'm happy it's like this, because I only brought you misery. But I, the one you only brought happiness to, I'll never forget.

We remained embraced as I felt my tears wetting his shirt. He cradled me and I cried with my eyes closed, lying on his chest only hearing the sound of his human heart. This heart that would never beat _for_ me, but would beat again _because_ of me, because of my sacrifice. Slowly, the darkness took over me and pulled me inside. Until there was nothing left.


	7. Chapter 7 Awake

When I woke up, I felt good, but this feeling lasted only for a moment. It took a few seconds to remember that I had no reason to welcome the new day. To open your eyes was a great effort, my eyelids seemed to weigh a "ton" each. A large sack of sand on each side of my face. Sure, I had been crying so much! _Great_, I thought, I _must look really great for my last day on Earth! _After, I censored myself for such a silly concern. I was hungry and thirsty and my head was strangely empty, as if recently it had been "inhabited" by any thought. Slowly, it was filling up again.

- Doc, I think she is awake, but she can't open her eyes - spoke a familiar voice that came into me and filled my emptiness.

_Kyle_, I remembered.

- Calm down, it takes a while for her to return completely to consciousness. In addition, she is very weak.

I really _was_ weak. I opened my eyes slowly to see Kyle's face and he was almost bent over the gurney. I smiled at him and he smiled back, but his smile was sad. It was not for _that_ smile that I was going to give up my life on earth. His eyes were red, with huge dark circles around his face, which was pale and glum.

I tried to touch him, but my arm refused to move. I'm sure any extra effort that I did now would be later paid with sore muscles, but at that moment, my body was too weak to even feel hurt.

- Are you okay? - Kyle asked.

I tried to answer, but as I opened my mouth, it seemed that the desert had been all there. All that came out was a dry cough.

- Calm down, easy there - said Doc - Kyle, help her sit. The cough will stop faster. Trudy, bring her some water.

Kyle put his arm around my body and pulled me up. It was not easy, but it really made the coughing stop for a few seconds. Time enough for a woman to give me a little water. When my throat calmed down with sips, I took the whole bottle and I immediately felt better.

- What is happening? - I asked.

Doc and the woman looked at each other and then at Kyle, as if telling him that he should be the one to explain.

- When you slept in my arms that day - he said - I asked Doc to give you you something to keep you asleep. You were so upset, in so much pain, I could not bear to see you awake again. Then he gave you something so you wouldn't wake up.

I didn't know how to feel about that. I felt betrayed. I felt sad, because he didn't want to see and have to deal with me, even though I was doing a great sacrifice for him. But I also felt a bit relieved and grateful that he tried to save me from further suffering. Ah, the confuse human sensations!

- But why didn't you do what you had to do? I gave my permission, but I'd hoped not to have to talk about it again.

- You don't understand, Sunny. We failed. Jodi didn't wake up.

Kyle's face was shrouded in sadness. "Mourning" was the word that came to mind.

- Too many days have passed. We couldn't wait any longer. We would lose the body if Kyle hadn't asked to bring you back - Doc explained to me.

-Oh! - I said, not knowing for sure if that meant I was understanding, if it meant I was surprised or simply suffering.

The pain in his eyes was so intense that suffocated me, I could barely handle my own. Then, without thinking about what I was doing, simply because I didn't have the courage to say anything else, I muttered:

- I'll keep trying. I'll keep looking for her and trying to hear her voice inside of me.

Kyle smiled and patted my face with the hand that wasn't holding me. A glimmer of hope was kindled in his eyes, distant as headlights at night seen from miles away.

- I'm hungry - I said, because it was true and because I could not bear the light of that distant hope.

The woman with the braided hair hastened to bring me a plate of food that must have been waiting for me. It was a soup whose smell flooded my senses with pleasure.

Kyle, who still held me, said:

- Let me help her, Trudy. Can you sit alone?

- I think so.

He pulled his arm supporting my back, but as he stepped away from me, he made a sudden movement that made him staggered back a bit. Doc helped him stead, but said:

- Nope, Kyle. You haven't slept for many hours and you need some rest. Moreover, as soon Sunny feels better, Trudy will take her to walk a little bit and clean up in the bathing room. She needs to move her muscles a bit. You can go - he insisted when Kyle didn't move - She will be fine and will need you to be strong to help her.

- Alright then. You'll be fine, Sunny - Kyle said with a kiss on my forehead. I smiled at him, believing for the first time.

Before leaving, Kyle ruffled his brother's hair. Ian, whose presence I noticed for the first time since I'd woken up, was sitting silently in a corner. He looked up to his older brother, but didn't smile. Neither did Kyle. At that time they were also brothers in pain.

I felt immensely grateful for the soup Trudy fed me with. It gently warmed and filled my queasy stomach. Meanwhile, I looked at Ian again. He was watching us with empty eyes, which seemed to be somewhere else. His body, leaning against the wall while he sat on one of the cots, seemed alert, though his expression was absent. In his arms rested a criotanque, red light indicating it was occupied.

- Wanda? – I guessed.

- Yes - Trudy said, with a sad voice - Sometimes he stays here with her. When he needs to sleep, eat or do anything else, he takes her along. But most of the time he stays here. He says he's doing company to Kyle, but I think there are times when it is too difficult for him to be alone.

- Is Melanie okay?

- More than okay. She, Jared and Jamie went out to look for a new body for Wanda. Ian stayed here to take care of her.

- It's beautiful - I said - The way he watches over her.

- You know - Trudy said giving me a wink - Kyle did the same thing for you. Even while he was trying to wake Jodi, you have never left his arms.

I felt my heart being flooded with happiness and hope as imagined such thing. I smiled so much that my face hurt. Soon, however, I remembered Kyle's face. That emotion unknown to me, but whose name I knew: mourning. I stopped smiling.

- It must be hard for him - I said - to lose Jodi like this.

- Kyle is ...

Trudy hesitated, looking for the right word:

- Broken - she added - It will take a while for him to recover, become whole again, but he manages. I think he'll get better much faster if he can have a friend to help him overcome this difficult time.

Trudy smiled at me and I smiled back, accomplices. I had a new friend now. Wanda would be fine and we would be friends too. And here I was with Kyle.

Compared to everything I knew I was going lose the last time I closed my eyes, I think I could get along with these new perspectives.


	8. Chapter 8 Time

**Hi, readers. Sorry for the delay, but here it is, the last chapter. Hope you like it!**

Hours later, fed and clean, Jeb took me to know my new home, the caves. Trudy accompanied us and they introduced me to the few humans who wanted to meet me. Few, but something told me that those were the ones really worthy: Geoffrey, Trudy's husband, Heath, their friend, Lily and Heidi, two lovely girls who told me they had helped to take care of my body, and a nice couple, Andy and Paige. It was time for dinner, so we all went to the kitchen and I served myself with some more things that they've given me: an omelet, some fruit and a soda.

I was happy and my body was satisfied, but something bothered me. Kyle hadn't shown up for dinner and all day I haven't seen him. Was he avoiding me? Was it hard for him to be by my side when it meant that Jodi was not here?

Trudy was watching me while preparing a tray full of food. Was she going to eat all that? She pushed the tray to me and said:

- Kyle slept all day. It is past time to wake up. If he is gonna start changing the day for the night, he'll get in trouble, because we were not gonna do his part of the job!

I didn't move, I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do. Trudy pushed the tray to me a little more:

- Come on, Flower! What are you waiting for to go wake him up?

- Do you think he'll want to see me?

- With this much food, Kyle would welcome even a lion! Imagine if he will not want to see you, little flower!

I was enjoying being called that, I must admit. The way Trudy reacted to me made me feel cared for, accepted. She gave me strength and I decided to try. After all, she was human, and she understands the behavior of other humans better than I ever would.

She took me to the door of the place where he was, one of the those used as rooms with two doors capping the entry. Trudy whispered in my ear:

- Be sweet!

After knocking on the door, she sped off down the corridor. I heard a rustle of movement and Kyle opened the door looking at me kind of surprised.

- Sunny, what happened?

His eyes fell upon the food and he seemed very hungry when doing that. I spoke before he had the chance:

- Trudy thought you'd be hungry. She sent me to bring you food.

- Oh, of course she did, didn't she? This Trudy! - he said narrowing his eyes in an odd expression - Well, she was right, anyway. Come in, sit down here with me.

He put the door back in place and took the tray from my hands, sitting with it on his lap. There was another bed in the room, but I decided to sit next to him, who fascinated with the breathtaking speed with which the food disappeared. I don't know why, but I found it very funny and giggled involuntarily.

- What? - Kyle asked with his mouth full.

- Nothing. You're really hungry, right?

Slightly embarrassed by his own manners, he stopped suddenly and seemed to realize something:

- Wow, what an idiot I am. I thought the food was all for me!

- It is! Don't worry about me, I've eaten enough. I was just thinking it's funny how quickly you eat. It can make you sick.

- No way! Jodi always said this and nothing ever happened.

The relaxation that had appeared on his face disappeared in a few seconds when he mentioned her name. It was as if he had remembered that he should be sad. Well, I was going to lurk for any holes that arise in this ice wall.

- I'm sorry - I said taking the opportunity to caress his face.

He grabbed the hand that was on his face and looked at me with a thoughtful look.

- It was not your fault. I know - that last part he said to himself - How was your day? Sorry for not being there with you after you woke up. I really needed to be alone and ... get some rest.

- That's okay. I understand. I had a great day. I got to know the caves and some of the people who live here. Lily and Heidi got me some clean clothes. They are a little large for me, but they said they would convince this Lacey girl to lend me something. They said it wouldn't be easy though.

- Lacey is an idiot, do not worry about it. Wanda and I can get you whatever you want in the next raid and ...

He suddenly seemed to remember that this was not possible, at least not anytime soon:

- Lily and Heidi's clothes are good. You are beautiful.

- So are you.

- No, I'm not, Sunny! No need to want to make me feel good all the time. I know I'm dirty and a mess for sleeping too much.

- You look beautiful enough for me.

- That's because you're so good to me.

- I want you to feel good.

- I also want you to feel good. I'm responsible for you being here. You know we can not let you go, don't you?

Neither had I wanted to go. Where did he want to get with this? I knew I could never go back to my normal life, neither it would be normal again, even if I could go back. After all, now there would always be Kyle. Sure I miss the Souls who inhabit Jodi's parents and I would miss not having the sun on me the whole time, but I had Kyle. If he was here, then I would be here too. After all, I had nothing else.

- I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. And with Trudy and with Wanda, when she returns. Do you want me to leave?

- NO! - he said that more quickly and more louder than necessary. It made me happy.

- Thank you. Trudy told me you took care of me while I was in the cryotank. Thanks for that too.

- I didn't want you to feel abandoned.

- Kyle, I feel nothing when I'm not in a body.

- So I didn't want to feel that I abandoned you.

I smiled at him. I wanted to stay close to him, touch him, but I didn't know how far he would allow me to get. I couldn't be sure about how much my presence actually hurt him.

- I don't want to be a burden to you. You have no obligations to me. If you don't want to be around me, I will not impose my presence to you. Just tell me how things should be from now on.

Kyle said nothing. He was thoughtful for a few minutes, his face deeply serious. Then he waved his hand as if pushing seriousness into a corner and undid his unsmiling face, because, apparently, it just wasn't his style. He approached me and kissed me lightly on the lips, the eyes of someone who asks permission.

I pulled him closer and I held on to him, leaving my body in contact with his as much as I could. Then I kissed him. _I_ kissed him. So that he knows I was there, that I wouldn't leave, and that I wouldn't give him up. He didn't respond as intensely as I'd like, but neither rejected me.

- I don't know what to tell you, Sunny. I can't know how things will be from now on. I mean, you here ... I can not resist you. It's impossible. But I don't wanna hurt you. I still love Jodi.

- I'll keep looking, Kyle. I swear. I wouldn't let her suffer being my prisoner, knowing what this means to you. But anyway, I don't need to leave. Melanie is looking for a new host for Wanda.

- Yes, but in this case, Jodi would be here, how would we deal with that?

The impossibility of this reality struck me. But I wouldn't kill me for something I was almost sure wasn't gonna happen. Jodi wasn't here anymore, she couldn't be.

- I'm here now, Kyle. I love you and I'm here.

- You are right, we'll think about it when the time comes.

_Or never. Jodi had her chance and didn't come back to claim you. I don't think she'll ever come back. And, assuming that happens, I'll make sure we can "fight" as equals then._

I felt unworthy and possessive with these thoughts, but I discovered that they had room inside me now. Sunlight Passing Through the Ice could get along with Sunny and Sunny would not give up.

Kyle could be broken, as Trudy said, but his arms around me, the increasingly furious touch of his lips to mine, his icy eyes that become so tender only when he looks at me… All these told me that a part of him was already mine. After all, I lived five lives shaping the ice in my favor. I knew it could take time.

But now I have time.

**Well, so this it for Kyle an Sunny. **

**Their story couldn't have properly a closure, because there is much to be resolved between them. Kyle still has his grief to overcome before he can love Sunny as she really deserves. But our delicate little soul is willing to wait and build her own place in the heart of our favorite ogre. Thanks for reading.**

**Soon I will start working on the translation of Before and After the Rain, which is Ian's POV from the moment he hears Wanda confess to Sunny that she will give back Mel's body. Kyle and Sunny will appear there as well. I hope you follow.**

**Thanks for everything, forgive me for any translation mistakes and I hope you had a good time with my story.**


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